I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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