we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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