guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
