her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
