sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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