dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
