Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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