Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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