I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
birth control should be required to get into college
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize