I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
