Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
