I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
