I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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