There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He felt like a one man threesome
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
