so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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