Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize