I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
