so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
