Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
false alarm, still single
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