the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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