I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
