I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
