Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize