I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
