Heybabeimwearingurpanties
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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