Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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