so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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