So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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