i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
