the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you inspire me to be a worse person
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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