she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
