Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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