we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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