Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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