I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
