OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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