Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
