Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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