I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
