Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize