I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
