just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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