He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
