just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize