How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
