So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
