i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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