I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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