He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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