If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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