Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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