Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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