Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
