so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
