remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
