I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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