I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
