I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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