I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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