Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
