I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
