I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
