Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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