I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize