dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
well you can't waste a boner
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
