He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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