So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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