I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
