Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
