Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize