I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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