Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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