The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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