So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
