just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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