mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize