So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
