How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
