whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
