Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
