I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
