He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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