I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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