shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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