I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
