there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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