Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
