did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
