Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
