Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
