He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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