Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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