oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
