discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize