At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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