Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he thought i was a dude.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
