i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My vagina just clenched in fear
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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