Sry I called you an 8
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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