you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
