I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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