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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
