i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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