I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
