Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize