I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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