dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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