Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is it penis luge time yet?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
