i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Come see our sink grown plant.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
