The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
