Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
