Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
