I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You're like the curious george of whores
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
